Self-Hatred and Such

I hate it. I hate it here, I hate being here, I hate these people, and I hate myself the most. I hate this country, I hate this world, and I hate everyone in it with every inch of my body, with my flesh and bone.

I hate trying and constantly failing. I hate that everyone only trusts me. I hate having so many expectations placed on me, carrying them all, and failing over and over for the most idiotic reasons. I hate being in the same place as these people. I hate trying so hard.

I'm trying so hard, all the time, even in my dreams, so why can't I be successful? Why can't I just leave everything behind? Why can't I just accept it and cry myself to sleep? Why do I think I can do more when it's clear that I can't? Why can't I just accept my fate? I'm not cut out for more.

I’m just a simple, plain, sad girl with no friends. The world is so much bigger than me, and its rules are more ancient than time. I should just give up. I want to give up. I want to crawl into my bed, stop working, and just live my life. Why can't I just shut up about it? Why can't I just be normal for once?

I hate myself. I hate how I view myself. I hate seeing my reflection in the mirror. I hate those bitter eyes, the dissatisfied mouth, the messy hair, and everything else. I am such a disappointment. I tried so hard, for what? To end up in the same place as someone who put in no effort?

Maybe I should just accept an easy life, stop talking to everyone, and leave this place.