SEXUALITY AS A TABOO IN TURKEY:

“İşte Böyle Güzelim" Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül ALtınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar, Sel Yayıncılık, 2008

“That’s how I am beautiful (İşte Böyle Güzelim).” The name of the book actually tells much by itself. The book that is written by Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül Altınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar in 2008 consists of sexual stories of women in a very heartily and tells too much touching stuff. That’s why maybe it is possible to say the name itself tells too many things. Loving your body, loving yourself and actually loving yourself, and knowing you are worth everything makes people more and more beautiful. In this manner, it can be believed that the book itself shows how this concept of “Sexuality” makes all these are mentioned above more powerful.

As it is mentioned this is the book that is created by stories of women’s sexual experiences in a very open manner. Women express their heartbreak, loves, passions, secrets, fantasies, nightmares, fears thanks to sincere dialogue among them.[1] Initially, the authors of the book organize this as just talking and then they decided to put these on paper in order to reach more people with the help of some women associations such as KAMER, Feminist Kadın and etc. Later, the authors arrange reading theatres and meet lots of people all around Turkey and share these women’s experiences with other people and listen to audiences’ own experiences, creating warm relations with them.[2] All these stories that are told by these women are published by unanimous names or nicknames depending on their requests. Within this framework, it can be argued that the will not to share the identity and also names that are chosen tells much about how sexuality is seen as taboo, it is something shameful, especially for women,  and shows up many women besides having sexual experiences even they do not have concrete theoretical bookish information about what sex really means before their marriage. Actually, even when they get married and experienced their first sex, they do not have information about what pleasure really is since they are raised with the logic of sexual experiences are not for women, and losing virginity before marriage is something bad, which means losing honor “namus”. Hence, what authors want to put emphasis on is the sexual experiences of women from different backgrounds, societies can either change or not, and the position of women at the individual level, family, and society regarding sexuality. While they are doing this, they can be successful in some manner; however, in some respects, it can be easily said that they do not give the whole picture at all in the right manner. Thus, this paper as a book review will analyze the book of “İşte Böyle Güzelim” in upcoming paragraphs. Initially, it will start with the purpose and achievements of the book and then continue with a brief summary of the book. Later, it will examine whether authors achieve their goals or not with reference weaknesses and strengths of the books and also referring place of the book in the field.

First of all, the book generally -since also mentions different gender identities- tries to stress women’s sexual place in Turkey through real-life stories that are told by different women. It can be purely said that the book reveals what sexuality is for women and where it stands in society, especially in a conservative one like Turkey, which tells about the understanding of sexuality in Turkish society. Moreover, the book also shows in which sense sexuality of men and women -so to speak men and women is used to indicate differences because the book generally consists of stories of women, but of course, there are many gender identities, and the book itself tells some stories about different gender identities such as gays, transgenders and so on so forth - can be differentiated in this society, which shows an understanding of gender identity in Turkey and construction of sexuality based on this. Within this framework, the book also displays disregarding social class of women, how the issue of sexuality become a norm that they must not be included in it and is something only belongs the men. Furthermore, it shows how these kinds of norms are constructed in a very strong manner and hard to break for a woman who is suffering from these norms. Thus, what is this women's sexuality and what does it refer to in a normative structure? And how does it change from society to society and what is its place of it in a conservative society? Women's sexuality is something related to their expression in society via their presence with different ways such as their dress, relationships, presence in social areas like bazaars, which actually makes them ordinary citizens like others.[3] However, when the issue comes to their sexual performance of them, the issue itself becomes taboo within the framework of constructed legal and social status,[4] which creates discrimination and inequalities in front of law within society. Especially in a society that is a conservative one, the issue becomes something related to dignity and honor, even some traditions are followed like honor killing in those societies. Indeed, even woman is raped, it is likely possible to kill the woman who is raped because of this ugly understanding of dignity and honor. Losing virginity in a nonmarital relationship also can be resulted in this honor killing. Moreover, there is a tradition in some parts of these kinds of societies which includes either checking virginity of women before marriage or wanting to see blood in the bed sheet that is thought as a symbol of the virginity of women, which can be easily called disgusting traditions. These traditions actually humiliate the dignity of women by seeing her as something only related to virginity by ignoring, she is a human being. Moreover, this also shows how sexual education level is low in those societies. In this sense, the summary of the book actually consists of these kinds of stories and it is not possible to briefly summarize them since each has different stories and includes different dimensions regarding sexuality. Hence the book itself shows these kinds of pathetic situations very openly with women’s stories. That’s why some of these stories will be mentioned instead of summarizing all of them. Regarding this perspective, related with those mentioned above; in the book, the part of “Yağmur” really shows how virginity is important for her father. When she confesses, she is a lesbian, her father doesn’t care she is lesbian unless she doesn’t have sex with a man and lose her virginity. Even her father said it is better to be lesbian instead of being a “prostitute -so to speak- ” since he thinks there is no risk for losing virginity and pregnancy and his honor is not damaged.[5]

Although losing virginity is a concept that is related to both men and women, because of biological differences between men and women -again it is important to emphasize these men and women are used to refer to biological differences, not for identities- it is assigned too much meaning on women. The concept itself is socially constructed. In the book, there is a case that a woman (Meltem) is taken to the hospital in order to check her virginity after his nuptial night because she does not bleed. Even her own mother says there is no need for control because her daughter protects their family honor. It is believed that women are honorable, and their honor is protected as long as they keep sexual purity until they get married and obey their men such as fathers and husbands in patriarchal and conservative societies.[6] Maybe that’s why “re-virgin station” has become more widespread in these kinds of conservative societies. This is the process that women try to have an operation in order to get back their virginity simply because they think they should be virgin at the marriage and this virginity must be proved by bleeding.[7] This process reveals how the situation is becoming pathetic and painful for these women. Actually, in the book, some women say even they are totally comfortable with this losing virginity, they cannot be able to get rid of all these normative dogmas. They think that if they have sex before their marriage, they must get married to the men they have sex with. Even, there is a university student who becomes happy after she learns she does not lose her virginity after her sexual experience with her boyfriend. These are mentioned in this paragraph reveals how this virginity issue is crucial for an understanding of Turkish society. Moreover, this issue can go hand in hand with the issue of violence in regard to “honor killing.” 

Another issue related to violence is the will of sex. It is seen that there is an understanding of sex is something for men and is a duty for women in order to make men pleasure and give birth. For example, even being a doctor taking education about medicine does not provide an understanding of the reality that sex is not only for men and giving birth like in “Sibel”s story.[8] Even in a story of “İrem” it is seen that when she does not want to have sex with his husband, she is beaten by her husband in front of their neighbors and the neighbor says “close your eyes and do it” which is seen something as a duty of women.[9]  They are forced to do what their husbands want and if they do not “obey” -this word is chosen because the mentality of these men is wanted to be shown- they are subjected to violence. Furthermore, this violence is not only physical but also psychological violence. Of course, even becoming the subject of physical violence creates a psychological one with itself, it is possible to see a psychological one without a physical one. To give an example from the book, “Sibel” says without knowing anything about sexuality, without love, and most importantly without exploring bodies; suddenly women face something that has never been experienced. And she concludes that “this is the biggest trauma ever.” [10] Within this framework, it can be argued that sex education is necessary. Although sexuality is something necessary for healthy human beings, there are no concrete and tangible steps for this. Besides, even though sexual diseases have become increased, up until recent decades, Turkey does not have this education either on textbooks or courses.[11] Even in a society where sexuality is taboo, it is impossible to talk about sexual illness, but even in Turkey the rate of sexuality becomes higher and higher and with it the rate of sexual disease and unwanted pregnancy increases.[12] That’s why having a sexual education in little ages or puberty period is very crucial to prevent these kinds of problems. Moreover, having healthy sexual life what also necessary is masturbation.[13] Even it is something kind of a must for sexual experience, it is also seen as something disgraceful.[14] Again that’s why the reason for education is shown up. However, again there is a problem with education simply because the education system itself is also patriarchal. According to what “Sibel” says in the book, even she is a doctor what she is educated about sexuality is only related to giving birth.[15] Thus, despite given education, it can be pointed out that there would be slight differences in results as long as the construction of sexuality that is based on patriarchy does not change.

Another issue regarding the violence in the book is shown by a transsexual individual with referring gender identity. This is the story of “Sinem” who works as a sex worker. She is imposed violence by her family during her puberty period. This violence at its extreme level is like chaining. She was only able to go to the bathroom with the 12 meters chain. Death is the decision for her because “he” wants to be “she”. That’s why she escapes and becomes a sex worker in order to survive. She also mentioned violence coming from streets both physically and vocally and interestingly she adds that these abuses are the ones who want to have sex with them later.[16] This really shows how socially constructed understanding of being a “real man” is very much strict in society and these men keep their real feeling a secret by abusing that transgender in some ways. 

Last but not least, regarding the book it is also important to talk about child marriage. “İrem” is one of them. She gets married when she was thirteen even before her first bleeding to a man who is twenty-six. Besides, she is forced to live with her mother-in-law and engaged in violence by her husband.[17] Actually, she has interesting and though life alongside with these, it is enough to show how this unbelievable tradition is widespread in these kinds of societies. This is the issue that is far beyond being a family issue, but this is about the human rights issue and violation of those rights according to laws. Even laws cannot prevent child marriages since families usually use regional ceremonies for their daughters to get married.[18] Additionally, this is the issue about the body health of these girls simply because their body does not become mature enough to experience sexual behaviors. Actually many experiences this before they reach puberty and this threatens their health. [19] These that are mentioned in this paragraph are also about the social structure of society and it really shows how culture, social values, beliefs and etc shape the education system of the society and within this framework, and also shape behaviors of the society regarding gender and sexuality.

To conclude that the book cannot be accounted one of the academic or scientific one to enlighten studies in the field. However, it reveals ugly and dirty realities in a very sensitive and sincere manner in the respect of feminism. Somehow it turns the issue from theory to practice. It is seen that how issues that are related to sexuality, virginity, gender identity, violence, abuse, child marriage are in real-life and these are the ugly truths of human life. The book gives impetus for thinking, analyzing, criticizing, and empathizing with these people who are suffering. Also, because of the content of the book, the book can create awareness to see reality and do something to change the reality starting with yourself. It gives the necessary base for this: “Loving yourself!” Starting with it, it is possible to meet yourself, discover yourself both bodily and mentally, and eventually accept yourself as who you are. Thus, love yourself. Say; “I love me.” And “That’s how I am beautiful!”

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Amado, Liz Ercevik. "Gender, Sexuality and Law Reform in Muslim Societies." Development 49, 2006, p. 96-98.

Aras, Sahbal, M.D., Semin, Semih,M.D., PhD., Turkan Gunay M.D., Esmahan Orcin M.S.,       and Sema Ozan M.D. "Sexual Attitudes and Risk-Taking Behaviors of High School     Students in Turkey." İn The Journal of School Health 77, 2007, p. 359-66.

Caffaro, Federica, Federico Ferraris, and Susanna Schmidt. 2014. "Gender Differences in the    Perception of Honour Killing in Individualist Versus Collectivistic Cultures:          Comparison between Italy and Turkey." in Sex Roles 71, p. 296-318.

Carpenter, Laura M. 2011. "Like a Virgin...again?: Secondary Virginity as an Ongoing Gendered Social Construction." in Sexuality & Culture 15, p.115-140.

Duyan, Veli and Gülsüm Duyan. "Turkish Social Work Students' Attitudes Toward Sexuality." in Sex Roles 52, 2005, p. 697-706.

Evcili, Funda and Zehra Golbasi. "Sexual Myths and Sexual Health Knowledge Levels of          Turkish University Students." in Sexuality & Culture 21, 2017, p. 976-990.

Ercevik Amado, Liz. "Sexuality and Sexual Rights in Muslim Societies." In Development 52,   2009, p. 59-63.

Gelbal, Selahattin, Veli Duyan, and Aslihan Burcu Öztürk. "Gender Differences in Sexual         Information Sources and Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of University Students in Turkey" in Social Behavior and Personality, 2008, p. 1035-1052.

Glick, Peter, Nuray Sakalli, Gül Akbas, Irem Metin Orta, and Suzan Ceylan. "Why do Women Endorse Honor Beliefs? Ambivalent Sexism and Religiosity as Predictors." in Sex      Roles 75, 2016, p. 543-554.

Gökçe, Birsen. "The Expectations and Problems of the Secondary and High School Youngsters” in Ministry of National Education, Ankara, 1984.

Güzel, Hande. "Pain as Performance: Re-Virginisation in Turkey." in Medical Humanities 44,   2018, p.89.

Ilkkaracan, Pinar. "Women, Sexuality, and Social Change in the Middle East and the      Maghreb." in Social Research 69, 2002, p. 753-779.

Jamal, Amina and Pinar Ilkkaracan. "Women and Sexuality in Muslim Societies." In Resources for Feminist Research, 2004, p. 56-62.

Korkman, Zeynep Kurtulus. "Politics of Intimacy in Turkey: A Distraction from ‘Real’ Politics?" in Journal of Middle East Women's Studies 12, 2016, p. 112-121.

Leonard, Karen. "Muslim Diaspora: Gender, Culture, and Identity." In Journal of Middle East    Women's Studies 4, 2008, p. 111-114.

Parla, Ayse. "The "Honor" of the State: Virginity Examinations in Turkey." in Feminist Studies 27, 2001, p. 65-88.

Sehlikoglu, Sertaç. "Exercising in Comfort: Islamicate Culture of Mahremiyet in Everyday       Istanbul." in Journal of Middle East Women's Studies 12, 2016, p. 143-165

[1] “İşte Böyle Güzelim” in İşte Böyle Güzelim, İstanbul, 2008. http://www.isteboyleguzelim.org/

[2] Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül Altınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar, “Işte Böyle Güzelim”, İstanbul, 2008, p. 5

[3] Amina Jamal and Pinar Ilkkaracan. "Women and Sexuality in Muslim Societies" in Resources for Feminist Research 31, 2004, p.57

[4] Ibid.

[5] Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül Altınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar, “Işte Böyle Güzelim”, İstanbul, 2008, p. 74- 78

[6] Peter Glick, Nuray Sakallı, Gül Akbaş, İIrem Metin Orta, and Suzan Ceylan “Why do Women Endorse Honor Beliefs? Ambivalent Sexism and Religiosity as Predictors" in Sex Roles 75, 2016, p.544

[7] Hande Güzel, "Pain as Performance: Re-Virginisation in Turkey" in Medical Humanities 44, İstanbul, 2018, 89.

[8] Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül Altınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar, “Işte Böyle Güzelim”, İstanbul, 2008, p. 23

[9] Ibid., p. 27

[10] Ibid., p.21

[11] Veli Duyan and Gülsüm Duyan, "Turkish Social Work Students' Attitudes Toward Sexuality" in Sex Roles 52, 2005, 697

[12] Ibid.

[13] Veli Duyan and Gülsüm Duyan, "Turkish Social Work Students' Attitudes Toward Sexuality" in Sex Roles 52, 2005, 698

[14] Birsen Gökçe, "The Expectations and Problems of the Secondary and High School Youngsters” in Ministry of National Education, Ankara, 1984

[15] Hülya Adak, Ayşe Gül Altınay, Esin Düzel, Nilgün Bayraktar, “Işte Böyle Güzelim”, İstanbul, 2008, p. 23

[16] Ibid., p. 52-55

[17] Ibid., p.24

[18] “Child Brides in Turkey”, Cihan News Agency, Istanbul, 2015.

[19] “Child Brides in Turkey”, Cihan News Agency, Istanbul, 2015.