The Other Woman, the Shadow of the Ex

We all become someone's rebound or make someone our rebound. We do not want to admit it until the truth of living in the shadow of the ex hits us so hard that we can barely breathe. What makes us think that we can make someone, who has already experienced love, feel a different kind of love from their ex? Why do we embark on such an endeavor? Should every love be different? Or what is it that made the previous one love? Can a person truly live in someone else's shadow?

In this piece, I will talk about the book Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, which inspired Taylor Swift's song "tolerate it" from her evermore album, a book I had wanted to read for a long time and which caused me minor emotional breakdowns when I finally did. After all, who has not been in a relationship where their love was not appreciated but merely tolerated? Wondering what happened in this book that led to a song we can't shake off (see what I did there?), one that tears us apart a little more with every listen, I finally read the book.

The book welcomes us with a dream. We see the house our narrator lived in years ago and misses in a dream. The way the house and the dream are described immediately pins us down in a haunting place. Yes, you will encounter plenty of gothic elements in this book. But don't worry, this isn't a novel considered gothic just because there's a 'mad woman in the attic' like in Jane Eyre. This is one of those gothic novels that truly gives you chills. 

After her dream, our narrator begins telling us, through flashbacks, about her connection to that house. We learn that she was accompanying a socialite named Mrs. Van Hopper as a "companion" and was paid for it. While staying at the hotel, she meets Maxim de Winter, the owner of Manderley. Despite Mrs. Van Hopper's embarrassing tactlessness (such as her intrusive questions about Mr. de Winter's deceased wife, Rebecca, and her vulgar remarks), our narrator and Mr. de Winter grow closer during Mrs. Van Hopper's illness and become friends. The narrator is quite happy with Mr. de Winter's friendship, and everything is going well—until Mrs. Van Hopper suddenly announces that they need to pack up and leave as soon as possible. When the narrator shares this news with Mr. de Winter, he asks her to marry him. The narrator is now free and no longer has to work—yes, by marrying a man. 

After their sudden marriage and honeymoon, the couple returns to Manderley. Not everyone there gives our narrator a warm welcome. In fact, aside from Maxim's close friend Frank Crawley, it can be said that no one really does. But the worst of all is Mrs. Danvers. She, who was the personal maid to the late Mrs. de Winter, seems determined to make our narrator's life at Manderley a living hell. In the house, both the narrator and Maxim's late wife are referred to as Mrs. de Winter. Our narrator has no name. She grants her name to everyone but us. This is because she is a young—about twenty years younger than Maxim, inexperienced girl, overshadowed by Rebecca.

As our narrator describes how Rebecca's presence still lingers in the house, with Mrs. Danvers constantly talking about her and meticulously keeping Rebecca's room as if she were still alive, the reader is gripped by horror. As our narrator begins to confront her own paranoias, we too feel the eerie atmosphere dominating the house, sensing that something is off about Rebecca's death and realising that Maxim doesn't see the narrator as she wishes. From time to time, we question our narrator's intellect, want to hurl harsh words at Mrs. Danvers, and even feel an urge to give Maxim a good, stern shake.

While the narrator is head over heels in love with Maxim, not even a confession of love comes from him. He neither speaks about Rebecca nor appreciates the narrator's love. No matter what she does to make Maxim happy, he remains unmoved and fails to truly see her. It is precisely at this point that we feel the essence of the song "tolerate it" deep in our bones.

You're so much older and wiser and I/ I wait by the door like I'm just a kid/ Use my best colors for your portrait/ Lay the table with the fancy shit/ And watch you tolerate it.

Rebecca is a book filled with gothic elements that we can list one by one, with a setting, atmosphere, and narrative that occasionally sends chills down our spine and at other times angers us. It recounts events that gradually unravel the mystery and reveal love alongside it. Without giving too many details—and without letting Maxim and Mrs. Danvers irritate me any further—I leave the novel in your hands. Don't forget to put "tolerate it" on loop while reading it. P.S.: If you have a Maxim in your life, lose the weight of him.