Attachment Styles 101: A Deep Dive Into Anxiety and Avoidance

Do you feel like you keep repeating the same patterns in your relationships? Maybe you act in ways that feel irrational, yet, you continue doing the same thing each time somehow. Influencing how we handle our relationships, attachment styles shape the way we connect. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles, which are two of the most common insecure attachment styles often lead to struggles in forming stable, fulfilling relationships. Let’s analyze these two attachment styles more in terms of what they look like and how they might impact one’s life.

Anxious Attachment

Relationships may feel like an absolute rollercoaster for you if you have an anxious attachment style. People who have an anxious attachment style crave closeness but constantly worry that their partner doesn’t care as much as they do. They find themselves overanalyzing any kind of conversation or gesture as signs of rejection, feel intense emotional highs and lows depending on how their partner responds, struggle with self-worth, often connecting their value to their partner’s attention, and find it hard to trust that someone truly cares for them. This usually originates from inconsistent or inefficient caregiving in childhood, and it can result in frustration for each side if not taken care of.

Avoidant Attachment

On the contrary to the anxious attachment style, if you have an avoidant attachment style, emotional closeness might feel like a burden. People who have an avoidant attachment style give too much importance to their independence and tend to put distance when things start feeling too intense. Feeling trapped in relationships, pulling away when a partner looks for closeness, struggling to share emotions, or preferring loneliness over emotional reliance are signs of the avoidant attachment style. Similar to the anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style also starts developing during childhood, when emotional needs are dismissed, and over time, one concludes that relying on others isn’t really safe, so they become self-reliant. That kind of independence might seem like a strength in many ways, but it usually leads to loneliness and difficulty maintaining deep emotional bonds.

How to Move Towards Secure Attachment

The good news is that attachment styles aren’t set in stone. You don’t have to worry if you feel like you have either of these attachment styles. Understanding your attachment style is the first step toward breaking unhealthy patterns and building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. With self-awareness, therapy, and conscious effort, you can work toward a more secure attachment, meaning that you can develop healthier communication habits, set boundaries, and challenge negative thought patterns. Over time, you can create deeper and more stable connections without emotional instability.