Boundaries

I have always struggled with boundaries. I would say "yes" even when I wanted to say "No". I would end up saying "yes" to everything and overly exhausting myself. Why do we need boundaries in life? What difference will they make?

I have been dealing with sloppy boundaries since childhood. I realised the need to have boundaries only when I am stepping into adulthood. They are hard to maintain but you gotta keep them until you want others to take up your energy leaving you feeling low and tired. 

Where do these weak boundaries come from?

• Generational

There could be a generation behind you who never really maintained boundaries. They can be easily passed on from one generation to another through actions, words or even mimics. For instance, a sloppy boundary of parents will be inherited into a child through mimicry.

• Environmental

Probably this could affect the sloppy boundaries too. Staying or engaging in an environment where the boundaries are weak and not firm can lead to adapting these same patterns into our life.

• Lack of decision-making 

As a child, most of my decisions were taken by my parents. Growing up, I had a hard time making my own decisions which lead to weak boundaries. The lack of decision-making power can also lead to weak boundaries. 

Need to have boundaries

Boundaries not only create a safe space for our emotions and feelings to be protected. Every time we ignore our emotions and feelings we suppress them and avoid their existence while we try to please others. Our emotions need acknowledgement. They need to be respected because every time we disrespect them for others. We feel bad for not listening to our emotions. 

There is nothing wrong with having a boundary. So what if the person is offended or feel unwelcomed? We need to stay on our grounds and help ourselves create stronger and better boundaries.  We need to speak up more for our emotions and feelings. Say "yes" when we mean it. Say "no" when you mean it. 

We spend half of our lives caring for others. Caring for others is a genuinely good habit to have in a person. However, it becomes a problem when the caring for others is overpowered by the care you should be taking for yourself. Abandoning one’s own emotions while giving the same care to another is not right. We need to strive for balance in it. 

People are going to cross your boundaries and make you feel that you are doing wrong by having a boundary. Believe me, a person would always respect the boundaries created by you, not threaten you by breaking them. 

It needs a lot of practice and will-power to create boundaries and maintain them. However, we cannot always disregard our emotions and feelings for others. Our feelings and emotions need their share of love and care too. Take the step and make boundaries!