The Golden Child Syndrome: What It Costs You To Be The “Perfect” Child

Have you ever felt like you no longer know what you like or dislike? You’re just moving through life and checking off achievements; deep down, you have no idea what you want. If so, you might be a golden child, the person who grew up being praised for being smart, successful, well-behaved, and responsible in their childhood. The person who always made their family proud.

But you might be asking this question to yourself now: If your whole identity is built around meeting expectations, where does that leave you with your own life?

A golden child’s main purpose in life is not to draw their path with what they like or dislike, but to meet their parents’ expectations. Their parents always consider them superior to others in terms of their success in life, behavior, and intelligence. From early childhood, the child starts to feel responsible for the parents’ expectations and tries to satisfy them. Known as “golden child syndrome," the literature suggests some indicators that one may have this issue:

Extreme effort to please

Psychologists say that golden children make an extreme effort to satisfy their parents’ expectations and needs. Most of the time, they obey their parents even though they are old enough to make their own decisions. Rather than their desires and needs, their parents’ satisfaction becomes the core goal in their lives.

Becoming High-achievers

Golden children tend to be hardworking and highly competitive in their childhood. Their parents usually like to brag about their children’s achievements. Thus, to get their parents’ approval and admiration, they continue to be successful until the end of their academic careers.

Well-mannered attitude

Golden children are always known to be well-mannered and “mature for their age” from early childhood. They obey their parents’ rules in the family most of the time without question.

That being said, being a golden child has harmful effects, especially in adulthood. If you are a suspected adult thinking you might have been a golden child, you might be struggling with setting boundaries, self-doubt, or a lost sense of identity.

Setting boundaries

As a golden child who was raised to always meet expectations, you might be finding it hard to set boundaries for people. It might be difficult to say no to others, prioritize yourself, or separate yourself from people’s expectations.

Self-doubt

A golden child is convinced that their worth is calculated by their success from early childhood. When you achieve something, you get praised, but when you make a mistake, it is your fault. As a result, golden children tend to consider every mistake they make as a big failure; thus, they avoid risks or work excessively to prove they are good enough even in adulthood. This may eventually result in anxiety, depression, and even burnout syndrome.

Identity lost

Golden child figures get so used to pleasing their parents, teachers, or any kind of authoritative figures that through time, they often do not get to have enough time and room to discover their wants and needs. They might tend to choose a career that makes their parents happy, but not them, for instance. Through time, this leaves them asking the question, “If they are not that perfect child anymore, who are they?”

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, you are neither alone nor stuck. Getting rid of the effects of golden child syndrome isn’t easy, and you need to work on yourself, maybe a bit more than people who do not struggle with being a golden child in childhood. But we all try to get to know ourselves throughout our lives, and it is a long path. You can start with small steps and try to be patient with yourself more than you have ever before. Being a golden child might have shaped your childhood, but it does not have to shape your future!