The Victim Loop

Have you ever met a person who interacts with other people in a passive-aggressive manner? Who complains about everything rather than doing something to change the situation? If yes, then you have probably been dealing with a person trapped in the victim mentality.

What is victim mentality?

Victim mentality, also known as victim syndrome is a character attribute in which a person never takes accountability for their actions. This mindset typically leads to the belief that a person has little control over their life, and that the bad events that occur, are the results of what others do. People with a victim mentality are commonly perceived as extremely dramatic. However, this mindset is frequently formed in response to genuine victimization. It can emerge as a way to cope with abuse or trauma. People with traumatic pasts typically believe that others are dishonest and unreliable. Therefore they become vigilant, focusing only on negative events as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt and to avoid emotional vulnerability.

The breakdown

The cozy nook of victimhood

1- Avoiding accountability: Admitting that you're in the wrong is not always easy, it takes courage and a sense of maturity. People with victim syndrome may find it extremely hard to take accountability for their actions because they find a sort of comfort in remaining passive and denying responsibilities, so they choose to take the easy road and start blaming others. They, especially the ones who endured emotional abuse, disloyalty, abandonment, and others, view themselves as victims because their attention is so narrowed on their emotional suffering that they fail to recognize how they mistreat other people.

“Most people, when directly confronted by evidence that they are wrong, do not change their point of view or course of action but justify it even more tenaciously. Yet mindless self-justification, like quicksand, can draw us deeper into disaster. It blocks our ability to even see our errors, let alone correct them.”

2- The fulfillment of unconscious needs: People with a victim mentality frequently unintentionally crave attention and approval from those around them. They want others to feel sorry for them and never hold them accountable even when they're not being fair. By playing the "poor me" card, they force others to sympathize with them and assist them.

3- Staying in the comfort zone: Not taking a risk is the biggest risk of all, but for someone with a victim mentality, taking risks may be terrifying. Victims prefer to stay in a comfortable spot to feel safe, but staying in the same spot for so long can be destructive. Risk-taking is essential to true happiness and success. Over time, living in victim mode can leave the person feeling stagnant and bored.

Me, Myself, and I.

How to leave the victim loop

Several factors contribute to the development of victim mentality, including childhood experiences and social environment. It is up to the individual whether to make it a temporary or a permanent situation. Here are some steps to follow if you want to break out of that loop:

Forgiveness: Practicing forgiveness is very beneficial for mental health. Hurt and anger hold you back from moving on with your life. Dwelling on a bad situation shouldn't last forever, so change the way you see things and start your healing journey.

Take responsibility for your feelings and actions: You are the captain of your ship. Make mistakes and own up to them.

Try and Learn: The biggest step towards change is to try. Acknowledge the issue and learn more about it. The chances of staying on track with your healing and preventing a return to your old way of thinking increase as you become more knowledgeable about the matter.

Always seek possible solutions: Not all negative situations are uncontrollable. Seek aid and never reject offers of help from people around you.

Stop self-sabotaging: Eliminate negative thinking and self-sabotaging behavior. Practice self-love, engage in self-care, treat yourself graciously and protect your energy.

Journaling: Start journaling to cope with your anxiety and to recall your strengths.