Reinventing Love

What do you feel about love? What do you think about love? What do you know about love?" If you are single and trying to find the right person for some time, you can ask these questions yourself all the time. Seriously, is it possible? Is it possible to find someone right? Is there someone right?

Today, on social media, I saw so many happy couples. They inspired me so much about love. They even caused the butterflies in my stomach. I didn't even know they existed. But like every other thing on social media, it wears off because none of them is mine. Not one butterfly belonged to me. I just borrowed them from people I didn't know and only saw them for a few seconds. So how does one, become so lucky to have the real deal? Because it is rare. A loving, healthy relationship is rare; from what I saw, it is one of the greatest gifts of human life. Do we need love to keep us alive? No, of course not. Do we become lesser than others who have love? No! But why do we feel like we are? Why can't we make peace with the fact that we are single? Because we feel the need for someone to depend on.

Some people think looking for love is for the weak. When someone yearns for love, they will likely hear criticism from others "Why don't you love yourself first?" " You are single because you need to work on yourself." "Enjoy being single, you only have time for yourself!" They are not wrong, of course, but it is also not wrong to feel the need for love. Love is what keeps us alive. Attachment is a normal thing to have when it is healthy.

I've been reading a book called Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. It is about attachment styles and relationships. (A relatively healthy one is called secure attachment) Maybe it is not the greatest book in the world, that is about relationships but it gave me some insights and showed me that I am not broken for thinking a love with healthy attachments is not a fantasy.

In the epilogue of the book Attached, it says

"• Your attachment needs are legitimate.

• You shouldn’t feel bad, for depending on the person you are closest to—it is part of your genetic makeup.

• A relationship, from an attachment perspective, should make you feel more self-confident and give you peace of mind. If it doesn’t, this is a wake-up call!

• And above all, remain true to your authentic self—playing games will only distance you from your ultimate goal of finding true happiness, be it with your current partner or with someone else."

Which brings me to my point. It is not wrong to have healthy attachments. It is not wrong to want somebody by your side to depend on in the long run. It is not wrong to wish for love. It is in human nature. We start our lives, depending on our caregivers. So don't be afraid of love and attachment (secure). If you are lucky enough to find someone to depend on, respect and honor that.